Small things that may seem insignificant in a relationship slowly add up and become much bigger hurdles in its survival
Published in · 7 min read · Aug 18, 2020
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“I can’t do this anymore”, “it’s not working” or something like “you are not the person you were when we met”.
These lines are often heard in your social circle. More likely you may have whispered the same sentiments in your past relationships to your partner. It is a sad reality that not every relationship is meant to last and not every significant other is going to be your one and only. Sometimes the time is not right, other times you are not in the right place for it to work out. In short, we have all been there and experienced the heartbreak that follows. No matter how was the relationship, it is always a gut-wrenching experience when it ends. Like human life, relationships are also affected by countless variables but today I will explore the most common albeit little things that play a major role in silently eating away at a relationship and destroying it.
“But I didn’t lie, you never asked!” “that’s not lying if I don’t tell her at all”
It may seem like an easy way out for some but it also ends up being the key cause of ruining a relationship over time. Withholding information from your significant other to hide an issue is lying by omission. The immediate crisis may have been averted by not sharing in the information with your partner but sooner or later the truth comes out and the trust in a relationship takes a heavy blow when it is revealed that the information was withheld by the other person. This conveys to the partner, who was lied to, that they are not considered an equal in that relationship. Their importance is not significant in matters concerning the relationship. One incident like that may not have much of an impact but making a habit out of it has fatal results for a once loving relationship. It all adds up silently until the big blow-up comes with the devastating casualty.
All this can be avoided if both parties are open with each other about everything that involves running a home. It could be a small thing as racking up a few dollars in phone bills or as big as losing your favorite watch. Just confiding in with your partner might be just the key to avoiding bigger problems in the future.
It is a good sign when you can be comfortable in a relationship without any insecurities dogging your steps. It is the mark of a growing relationship where both parties come to know each other’s habits and little quirks that were hidden before. But as everything works optimum in a balanced environment, so does the comfort level in a relationship. No one intentionally falls victim to this, rather it sneaks up on you and surrounds you in its shroud of oblivion. That is when you start to take another person for granted. Whereas before you made an effort to woo the person you love, now that you have achieved that, you start to slack off in the effort department.
Love does not survive without care and protection. It needs nourishment to sustain in a relationship. This is why when you stop trying to work on your relationship and take your partner for granted, the downfall begins.
An interesting thing about this issue is its stealth skill. There is an easy solution for this; make an effort. Show the person why you love them from your actions.
Keep the flame alive by nurturing it with care and attention. Remember why you are in this relationship with the person and all efforts you put to get here. If it is worth it then it is worth fighting for.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
If your partner is stressed out about something, or they are trying to tell you something. Just listen and try to put yourself in their shoes. Do not, at any rate, act indifferent or belittle their feelings. You may love them with all your heart but actions speak louder than words, and actions of indifference to the situation of your partner might just be what breaks your relationship. Your partner will feel inferior and the resentment will slowly take place in the heart.
All this can easily be avoided by having empathy for your partner’s situation. You are where they turn to first and you should be the first person they turn to. This is a sign of a healthy relationship.
Insecurity is never a good trait in any relationship, let alone a romantic one where it eats away at trust as mites do to wood.
Both of you are spending a lazy Sunday afternoon on the couch watching a show on Netflix when you suddenly turn your head and see your partner smiling and typing on their mobile screen. If you are secure in your relationship and trust your partner completely then you will not think anything of it. But if your mind starts spinning scenarios and situations about that innocuous smile, and you begin to ask your partner all kinds of questions about who they are texting to, then you are in a very dangerous place.
It is all about trust. But when doubts make a home in your heart, trust starts to pack its bag and book a fight to leave. You begin to observe your partner suspiciously and their every action is scrutinized.
Every conversation turns into an interrogation and every ping of notification on their phone makes you go into detective mode.
You begin keeping tabs on what your partner is doing throughout the day by calling them during office hours and waiting for them to come home without a minute’s delay. You have already imagined the worse and passed the verdict that your partner is unfaithful in your mind. Now nothing they do will change your assumption about them. with time your partner will start to feel suffocated by your constant Spanish Inquisition and then the fall of the relationship is inevitable.
Therefore, unfounded jealousy and insecurity are the major pitfalls of a relationship, and if you can not trust your partner then there is nothing left to stay in that relationship. Talk to each other and confide in your doubts. It is natural to feel jealous sometimes but you should never let it fester inside your heart like a plague.
Just because you are in a relationship and you live together does not mean you two are going to be joined to the hip 24/7. Everyone needs a personal space one time or another. Just as you like to do some things alone, similarly your partner has the right to same privacy. You are your own person outside the relationship, so don’t lose your identity. You should pick up hobbies and new activities to do in your me-time. At dinner, you both can share your activities and you get new things to talk about every day. This is an ideal scenario.
On the other hand, if the personal space is not respected, it leads to resentment towards the other. That’s when things like “I feel suffocated in this relationship” or “I need space” are heard. And most of the time it does not end well down the road of relationship.
Therefore, give your partner space when they need it. Instead of being asked every time for space by your significant other, listen to their body language. This will make your partner appreciate you more.
Yes, you read it right. Even though pets are this adorable fluff of joy, they can also become a cause of friction in a relationship. If both of you bring your own pets into this relationship, then few scenarios may play out. Your pets may bond with each other and everyone is happy. But often pets do not get along. Your kittykat might not cozy up to your partner’s german shepherd and routine quarrels between them may become an issue, depending on how you handle it. If you both take sides of your pets, then you become opponents in an argument. It is like taking the side of your children in a playground fight with other children. The important thing is not about whose pet was right or wrong, but how you handle it.
Approach it like an adult and figure out why your pets do not get along and try to work it out together with your partner.
You are a team, not opponents.
Similarly, do not reserve your attention to your pet, rather take “our pets” approach. Divide your playtime equally between all pets at home. People can be very possessive of pets and it is often a make or break in a relationship if the person feels their pet is not valued by their significant other.
It is easy to fall into a routine.
Go to work, come home, make dinner, eat dinner with your partner, then some Netflix and chill before turning in for the night.
But routine is most often than not, a very common cause of fall of a relationship. Routine brings boredom in life, and if it continues like that, boredom gets associated with the relationship and maybe even defined by it. Therefore, don’t let routine destroy what you love; relationship. Bring spontaneity to your daily life. Do something out of routine. Instead of making dinner, call for food delivery, and eat while you play some board-game. Surprise your partner at work by sending a sweet text message or make something they like for dinner. It does not have to be big to be effective, just make an effort to avoid falling into a routine.
Don’t lose sight of why you fell in love with your significant other in the first place. If it is worth it then make every and any effort to keep it.
