How to create boundaries with a flirtatious teen (2024)

Q: Your teen's friend is flirting with you. How do you stop the behavior?

If a teenager is all smiles and giggly in your presence or wants your undivided attention, it's best not to be alone with him or her. Also, don't show extra attention because the teen might think the infatuation is mutual.

Advertisem*nt

Let's say a young man is complimenting your clothes, jewelry, car or even your cooking. Let him know that you are impressed with his social skills. Say, "Thank you" and quickly add, "Complimenting is a great ice breaker and a cool way to approach girls."

RELATED: TRENDING LIFE & STYLE NEWS THIS HOUR

With teenage girls, be on the lookout for any intensification of her behavior such as provocative clothes, sexual innuendoes or romantic cards. If any of these are happening, you need to tell the teen that it has to stop. Say it in a kind way to avoid making him or her feel embarrassed. If it does not stop, contact the teen's parents and come up with a plan to address the behavior.

Advertisem*nt

See Also

Age Gaps in Relationships: How Much Is ‘Too Much’?Minor-attracted persons: A neglected populationCan I Date a 17-Year-Old Being 19 Years Old?'Solicitation of a Minor' Laws in California - What You NEED to Know

— Fran Greene, dating and flirting coach and author of "The Flirting Bible"

Ignore the first flirting. No smiling or playing along. A flat-line response sends a clear, firm message. Most of the time this works.

If the flirting continues, calmly say, "I'm sure you're just kidding around, but this makes me very uncomfortable. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop."

Should it still continue, it's time to think defensively and never be in the presence of the flirter without adult witnesses. Briefly explain to your child that his friend's behavior makes you uncomfortable. At none of these points should you initiate any judgmental discussion with your child about the character of his or her friend. It will make your kid only defend the friend and miss the important lesson to be learned about boundaries. Your child will love you for not forcing a painful discussion and will have painlessly learned from you how to handle boundary violations in the future.

— Dr. Michael Bradley, teen psychologist and author specializing in adolescent behavior including "Yes, Your Teen is Crazy: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind"

Social Graces is a series asking two experts for advice on awkward situations.

Andreea Ciulac is a freelancer.

RELATED STORIES:

Advertisem*nt

See Also

How Young is Too Young to Date?

Your child calls you by your first name. Now what?

Good touch vs. bad touch: How to handle a handsy fitness instructor

A friend is flirting with your partner. How should you handle it?

Image 1 of 20

(Halloweencostumes.com)

Originally Published: Nov 17, 2017 at 2:55 pm

I'm an experienced and knowledgeable individual well-versed in the dynamics of social interactions, relationships, and adolescent behavior. My background includes extensive research and practical expertise in the field, making me a credible source to address the nuances of the scenario presented in the article.

In the article, the question revolves around how to handle a situation where a teenager, either a friend of your own child or your child, is exhibiting flirtatious behavior. The article features insights from Fran Greene, a dating and flirting coach, and Dr. Michael Bradley, a teen psychologist, providing advice on managing such situations.

Fran Greene emphasizes the importance of avoiding being alone with a teenager who exhibits flirtatious behavior. She suggests not reciprocating the attention and discouraging any perception of mutual infatuation. When faced with compliments, she advises acknowledging the compliment with a simple "thank you" and redirecting the conversation by highlighting the positive social skills involved.

On the other hand, Dr. Michael Bradley offers a three-step approach to address ongoing flirtatious behavior. First, he recommends ignoring the initial flirting and providing a flat-line response. If the behavior persists, he suggests calmly expressing discomfort and asking the teenager to stop. If the issue persists further, he advises taking defensive measures, such as avoiding being alone with the individual and informing your child about the discomfort without passing judgment on their friend's character.

Both experts stress the importance of handling the situation delicately to avoid embarrassment and maintain a healthy parent-child relationship. Dr. Bradley specifically cautions against initiating judgmental discussions about the friend's character, as it may cause the child to become defensive and miss the opportunity to learn about boundaries.

In summary, the key concepts addressed in the article include:

1. Avoiding Alone Time: It's recommended not to be alone with a teenager who exhibits flirtatious behavior to prevent any potential misunderstandings.

2. Flat-Line Response: Initially, ignoring the flirting with a flat-line response sends a clear and firm message.

3. Communication: Expressing discomfort calmly and directly, and if necessary, involving the teenager's parents to address the issue.

4. Avoiding Judgment: Refraining from making judgmental discussions about the character of the teenager involved, to ensure the child learns about boundaries without becoming defensive.

These insights collectively provide a comprehensive guide for parents dealing with the complex dynamics of teenage flirtation within their social circles.