When you're heading out on a first date, you might be wondering one thing: Will the night end with a kiss or not? While it's entirely normal to think about this in the hours leading up to said get-together, our first piece of advice is to not let this question overwhelm you. Our next piece of advice? Do what works best for your dating life.
According to Wale Okerayi LMHC LPC, a licensedmental health counselor, it's entirely okay to kiss on the first date if that is something you'd like to do. "I think society has made us feel like everything is on a specific timeline. If there’s mutual respect and consent, I say go for it," she shares.
With that in mind, if it's helpful for you to understand how to navigate the anticipation surrounding a kiss before entering your first date, we put together a quick guide to explain what you need to know. Following the expertise of Okerayi and Sheril Kirshenbaum, an Emmy Award-winning scientist and the author of "The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us", here's how to decide if, and when, you should end your night with a peck on the lips.
Meet the Expert
- Wale Okerayi LMHC LPCis a licensed mental health counselor practicing in both New York and Texas. She specializes in individual and relationship counseling and can be reached directly viaher website.
- Sheril Kirshenbaum is an Emmy Award-winning scientist and the author of "The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us," a book that explores the science behind kissing.
How to Decide If You Should Kiss on a First Date
If you happen to be on the fence about kissing on the first date, consider this: One of the benefits of giving or receiving a kiss is that it can help you determine if there's chemistry between you and your date. Research has also shown that kissing is a positive behavior that is linked to pleasure, joy, and commitment in adult relationships.
That said, if you're comfortable with the idea of kissing on the first date, here are a few practical ways to determine if giving or receiving a kiss is the right move.
Assess if you and your date have chemistry.
If you and your date are flirting and you feel like there's an instant spark, take it as a sign that you might want to end night with a romantic kiss. Kirshenbaum also adds that "The more anticipation you feel leading up to a kiss, the greater the dopamine spike." Meaning, a night of flirting and romantic chemistry will likely lead to an amazing first-date kiss.
Determine if a kiss will show your date that you're interested.
When you've had an enjoyable, engaging, and thrilling first date with someone, sealing the evening witha terrificFrench kiss can be a way to add an exclamation point on the great time you both had. In some cases, kissing on a first date can also leave you both excited about getting to see each other in the future.
Fair warning: Even if you kiss on the first date, that doesn't signify that you'll have another date with this person. Unfortunately, there are plenty of daters who end up kissing at the end of the night but never hear from their date again. Many people who are serial daters may go in for the kiss now, only to ghost you later.
Lean into your instincts.
There's nothing greater than trusting your gut when trying to make a decision. So, if kissing your date is something you'd really like to do—plus, your date is open to it—lean into what you feel is right and kiss on the first date. The key is to go with what your instincts are telling you, while also being respectful to your date's boundaries.
When to Kiss on a First Date
As no twofirst dates are alike, it's up to you to decide when you'd like to kiss the person you're with or not. And in most cases, this simply just happens when the moment and mood are right, explains Okerayi. However, there are a few factors that can play a role in timing, like your location or even the weather.
Ultimately, though, having a plan on when and where to kiss on the first date isn't entirely realistic. The best thing to do is trust yourself and not put any pressure on finding the "right time." Plus, the more first dates that you go on, the more dating apps you join, and the more you put yourself out there, the better you'll be able to recognize firsthand when you should or shouldn't kiss someone.
I am Wale Okerayi LMHC LPC, a licensed mental health counselor practicing in both New York and Texas, specializing in individual and relationship counseling. My expertise extends to the dynamics of dating, particularly the psychological aspects related to making decisions about physical intimacy. In the context of the article you provided, I am cited as an expert offering advice on whether it's appropriate to kiss on the first date.
Sheril Kirshenbaum, another expert mentioned in the article, is an Emmy Award-winning scientist and the author of "The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us." Her work delves into the scientific aspects of kissing, providing valuable insights into the role of chemistry and pleasure in adult relationships.
Now, let's break down the key concepts covered in the article:
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Mutual Respect and Consent: The article emphasizes that societal timelines shouldn't dictate the pace of a relationship. According to my advice, if there is mutual respect and consent, kissing on the first date is entirely acceptable.
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Chemistry and Anticipation: The article discusses the importance of chemistry and anticipation in determining whether to kiss on the first date. It cites Sheril Kirshenbaum, who notes that the more anticipation there is leading up to a kiss, the greater the dopamine spike. This implies that a night of flirting and romantic chemistry can lead to a memorable first-date kiss.
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Expressing Interest: Kissing on the first date can be a way to show interest. The article suggests that a well-timed kiss, especially after an enjoyable date, can leave both parties excited about the prospect of seeing each other again. However, it also warns that a kiss doesn't guarantee another date, as some individuals might not follow up.
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Instincts and Gut Feelings: Trusting one's instincts is highlighted as a crucial factor in deciding whether to kiss on the first date. If both individuals are comfortable and open to it, leaning into what feels right is encouraged, while being mindful of respecting the other person's boundaries.
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Timing and Location: The article acknowledges that no two first dates are alike, and there isn't a universal rule for when to kiss. Factors such as location and weather might play a role, but ultimately, it's emphasized that having a plan for when and where to kiss isn't entirely realistic. Trusting oneself and recognizing the right moment organically is considered the best approach.
In summary, the article combines psychological and scientific perspectives to guide individuals on making informed decisions about physical intimacy on a first date, stressing the importance of mutual consent, chemistry, and trusting one's instincts.
