Add wings to your trauma recovery by using The Three C’s.
Choice– coming to believe you have the power to choose.
I stayed in a relationship with my abusers for over fifty years. You don’t think they maintained that kind of power by telling me the truth, do you? They never said, “Hey, Rebekah, by the way, everything I’ve been telling you is a lie. You are the one who actually has all the power—and, as a separate person, you have the right, even the obligation to say no to me. Abusive people aren’t going to give you that gift. You have to take it.
Commitment-It’s going to take everything you have.
In the same way, CPTSD symptoms dominate your life, healing from them will require an equal amount of time and effort. Focus on your commitment. Remember the long game. While one of the greatest rewards of healing is getting your life back, there is an even greater reason to pursue it. You are taking a stand against darkness and the effect it has on you and the people you love. Healing is a quest. It is a journey. It is sacred. It is the reason for being alive.
Connection-It’s going to take healthy relationships.
There’s no getting around this one. Human beings are made to exist in relationships. That’s just one of the reasons “relational trauma” does so much damage. As a focus of your commitment to healing, be intentional about the relationships you pursue and the ones you are currently in. Practice saying no to unhealthy people and saying yes to the ones that support your healing journey.
Healing from trauma is not easy. Why? Why can’t I just do the three things above and in a couple of months be over it? Why do I have to practice and practice, go forward a few steps, back up, start again, re-group, etc? Because there are obstacles that stand in our way. I’d like to address the most powerful one.
Author Stephanie Foo calls it: The Dread. Another name for it—is perceived threat. You may have heard it described as anxiety or fear. Whatever you call it, it is powerful and pesters us, trying to get us to give up. It can even keep us from beginning a journey toward healing at all. It is the thing that motivates abusers to be abusive and it is the way abusers keep you plugged into their system.
Driving through Virginia in the early hours of a mid-summer morning, everything is covered in white fog. Humidity creates clouds of steam that rise from the pavement. It coats the grass and covers the trees, even rising from the surface of a pond. In a similar way, The Dread makes it difficult to see the truth. It skews our perception, and we will do anything to avoid it. Giving up may seem like the best option. It is not. For our Star Trek fans, remember the Borg? “Resistance is futile.” This is what The Dread tells us. It lies.
Resistance is the path to hope. Use The Dread against itself. It’s telling you there is a problem. Take time to dismantle it with the truth despite how you feel. How does it tie into your past? Wield the weapon of choice, make a commitment and pursue connection. Defy trauma, and embrace joy!
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Rebekah Brown, a native of the south, now resides in the Great American West. Surviving a complicated and abusive family system makes her unique writing style insightful as well as uplifting. Rebekah is the proud mother of two and grandmother of four.
Related
As someone deeply immersed in the field of trauma recovery, I can attest to the profound impact that the journey towards healing can have on an individual's life. Rebekah Brown's article, "Add wings to your trauma recovery by using The Three C’s," brilliantly captures essential elements of this process: Choice, Commitment, and Connection.
Choice: Rebekah's emphasis on the power of choice is rooted in her personal experience of enduring an abusive relationship for over fifty years. The insight that abusers don't willingly relinquish control by revealing the truth underscores a fundamental truth about trauma recovery. It requires individuals to recognize their inherent power, understand their right to say no, and actively reclaim control over their lives. The notion that this empowerment is not handed to you but must be seized aligns with the principles of many therapeutic approaches, promoting autonomy and self-advocacy.
Commitment: The article parallels the commitment necessary for healing with the persistence required to address Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) symptoms. This parallels the idea that overcoming the pervasive impact of trauma demands a sustained and dedicated effort. The analogy of focusing on the long game and standing against darkness resonates deeply, emphasizing that healing is not just a process but a profound journey that requires one's unwavering dedication.
Connection: The significance of healthy relationships in trauma recovery is highlighted as an essential aspect. Rebekah underscores that human beings are inherently relational and that intentionally cultivating supportive connections is vital for healing. This aligns with established psychological principles that emphasize the role of social support in fostering resilience and recovery.
The Dread: The article introduces the concept of "The Dread" or perceived threat, akin to anxiety or fear, as a powerful obstacle in the healing journey. This resonates with the clinical understanding of trauma-related obstacles that individuals often face, manifesting as fear, anxiety, or avoidance behaviors. Rebekah encourages individuals to use this dread as a signal, a call to action rather than a deterrent. This is an insightful perspective that aligns with therapeutic strategies that focus on confronting and dismantling fears rather than succumbing to them.
In conclusion, Rebekah's narrative provides a comprehensive view of trauma recovery, incorporating personal experience, psychological principles, and practical advice. Her call to resist "The Dread" and embrace the path of choice, commitment, and connection serves as an empowering guide for individuals navigating the intricate terrain of trauma healing. As an enthusiast and expert in the field, I find this article to be a valuable resource for anyone seeking insight and inspiration on their journey to recovery.
